The Mental Health Moment January 27th, 2020

January 27th, 2020 Transcript – Mental Health Moment 

Transcript by Google Voice Typing – Please excuse errors

Topic – Identify & Solving Problems, the 6th Step of The Resilience Model©

It’s mental health Monday and time to take a mental health moment. I’m your host Joe Newman from Life Launch Centers and this is the show to find out how to deal with a hard emotions of life, improve your mental health and really just find answers for life 

I want to start by inviting all the listeners out there if if you or a loved one is struggling with depression isolation or if anxiety has taken over your lives I assure you there is help I doesn’t have to be a lifelong thing you deal with but rather you can learn the emotional skills and tools to actually overcome these hard emotions these tools include mindfulness resilience how to maintain balance in life and building healthy connections these are all principles that we teach at life call centers in our group therapy program and if you got any questions about how to kick anxiety or depression to the curb honestly the best way is to simply just give us a call at 833-803-3883 or jump on our website and life on centers. Com there’s a lot of great info out there including all of the archive of these show Wichita call about our resilience curriculum and give tips on how to address many of the major health risks out there so again that website is life launch centers.com So today we’re going to talk about the sixth step in the resilience model so if you’re not familiar with the resilience model it is the curriculum we teach the Youth and Young adults that we work with it life on Sinners we work with anybody from the you know ages from 11 to 26 years old is kind of art good area so but anyway it’s these principles helped in all ages so we have families that common learn the principles and using with their younger kids they apply them in with in their marriage relationships and that’s because there’s these truths resonate for every age group but anyway the vi stop in the resilience model is identifying and solving problems so this is the step that everybody wants to jump right into right when we have it an issue or a problem in life we want to fix it and so you know identifying in solving the problem is the way to do that well the whole purpose of the resilience model is to recognize that when our emotions have overtaken us or we’ve become emotionally hijacked are four braids has gone dark and we’re not actually physically able to reason because the forebrain is the center of our brain for a logical thought process and when we’re emotionally hijacked it shuts off power literally stops electrical synapse in the forebrain and in order to make some good logical solutions for our problems we have to first restore some power to it and so while this is the sixth step in the one everybody wants to know it’s really really important to understand the first five steps because jumping right into identifying and solving problems it’s a bit like you know and maybe some of us are like this but it’s a bit like getting like a new piece of furniture from Ikea or some you know assembly oriented kind of package and you know if if you’re at all like me sometimes I just want to jump right into the the thing and look at it and figure it out myself and rather than taking the time to read the instruction manual and I’ve if you’re that kind of person maybe you can relate to how when you when you just jump right in to solving the problem you end up making mistakes you end up having to redo it you may be your end up with parts left over and ultimately it’s your kind of have some repair work to do and they’re the same is true of how we approach our emotional problems when we come upon an emotional situation if we just jump right into fixing it sometimes we’re going to end up having to redo it or repair some of the damage we caused by you know things we say that may be harsh because you know we’re driven by our fight flight or freeze response and yeah so the point of in solving problems is to First go through the necessary steps to restore the power in your four braids and then come upon some good Solutions so that’s that’s for us personally you know I feel like I have to do that as a father and within my marriage relationship within my work relationships when I apply these principles there’s a lot less repair work to do and as we model that behavior for our kids then they also learn you know I mean I need to apply these the same principles so that I can act wisely instead of having to learn from my mistakes and repair it and learn the Smart Way smart ways good learning from our mistakes is a good way to do it but being Wisin and avoiding mistakes is even better so I think the first thing to realize when it comes to identifying and solving problems is to know that you know in today’s culture today’s society this doesn’t really come naturally to us anymore you know we live in a society today where if you have a question if there’s a problem in your life we go right to Google Siri and You Tube to help give us the answers right are in any imagine growing up in that kind of environment where you had never been asked to solve a problem on your but the wealth of information the entire do you know the entire wealth of human knowledge is at your fingertips and and so rather than then having to engage those problem solving techniques Tom and ideas then we simply just go right to somebody or something or that will give us the answer will that’s the that’s the environment our kids are raised in and and so it isn’t a very natural thing so we have to we find that we have to teach these principles like literally teach them how to solve problems on their own rather than going to Siri because unfortunately and if if I don’t know if you’ve ever tried this but go ahead and ask Siri if you should you know break up with your girlfriend or if you should yell at your dad are you know if you ask her for advice on emotional issues she’ll quickly tell you she’s not qualified to give you that kind of that information those are personal decisions are the personal situations and and so it’s really important that we still learn this this trait we teach our kids so that they can deal with the emotional individual emotional problems that will come up throughout the rest of their lives you don’t think about how when we were kids there were things that we did regularly that kind of helped trigger these solution finding centers of our brain like for example riddles I love riddles I remember as a kid like stewing over a riddle for days you know and it was kind of this great thing that’s that riddles were respected that people would like let you stew on these riddles for days rather than just giving you the answer real fast and I’ve I find that today the attention span of use when it comes to riddles about less than 30 seconds if they have to think about that riddle for more than 30 seconds they just they’re ready to just give up and go get the answer from you know the internet or or thank you to tell him the answer and it drives him crazy when they have to like really noodle on it for a while they really think about it for a while so it’s an underdeveloped part of the brain for kids today and we can actually help them develop it by again applying these Angel techniques kids love riddles and but not giving into it right not giving into that instant gratification and so are in the joy and the satisfaction that comes from when you figure it out on your own that is so satisfying so much better than when you have gone and got the answer from somebody else it’s almost you know it’s the victory vs defeat when you when you come upon an answer or solution yourself there’s a very strong sense of accomplishment in Victory when somebody is giving you the answer then often time it’s followed with a with a personal defeat or a recognition that you weren’t able to come upon yourself and that was not being reinforced over and over and over on my own I need somebody else to tell me how to do it I find that to be the case with my kids my kids for sure would rather me just tell them what to do because it’s easier and they get kind of frustrated when I pull the master Oogway approach from you know Kung Fu Panda eyewear he’s all kind of elusive and mysterious and doesn’t give him the answer right away but let them figure it out on their own right well that’s that’s the wisdom of the ages of allowing a person to to find those answers for themselves so you know I got to take a break here just a minute and I’m just kind of laid the foundation for how and why we need to identify and solve problems I’m going to come back with the the actual techniques message that we teach and how to help people use young adults build resilience by coming up on their own Solutions and. But I want to invite everybody out there right now to jump on our website that will give us a call we got a gift for all the listeners out there it’s a free copy of the emotional Navigator it’s a 20 Page booklet that helps you navigate what is healthy and unhealthy emotional behavior and it gives an introduction to the resilience curriculum that we teach at life on Center so you can order it online and our website at life launch centers.com or just give us a call at 833-803-3883 so if you or a loved one is struggling with anxiety depression social isolation now is the best time to get help don’t wait give us a call and we’ll get the get you the help in the and strategize with you on what would be the best course of action to help your loved one again that number is 833-803-3883 next half I’ll come right back with more about the 6th step in the resilience model teaching kids how to identify and solve problems will be back in a minute.

Second Half

Welcome back to the mental health moment I’m your host Joe Newman from Life Launch Centers today we’re talking about the sixth step of the resilience model the big one way to find answers or know how to identify Solutions and solve problems now this is a crucial step in the resilience model if you’re just joining me recognize this is the sixth step so there’s like five other steps that come before this that will help a person get to the point where they can actually find Solutions and it’s important that we keep those steps if if you’d like to learn more about those there again available on the website at life on Sinners. Com the radio archives have all of the different to shows that we recorded talks about these principles so so jump on there and you’ll get a lot more information but let’s jump into how we actually teach Youth and Young adults how to identify and solve problems it really is the heart of emotional resilience as we learn how to identify and solve problems for ourselves we build confidence in our own ability to get through hard things the more and more that we rely on other people to give us the answers or to solve our problems for us it prevents and can even tear down our emotional resilience and so as parents is so important that we allow our children to go through these hard emotional things encouraging them reminding them of these principles and allowing them to do the work themselves so what so what is it look like how do we get through emotional situations will the first the first thing to remember with identifying and solving problems is to to speak it out loud you know what is the problem so I like to use a scenario that’s kind of common for Youth and that’s where you come home from school and your little brother is in your room and he is playing with and it looks like he’s broken your Christmas present right he’s gotten into your stuff this is usually a situation that a lot of kids can I do know why it didn’t fight with and it evokes a strong emotional response right and what is that emotion responsible it’s usually anger the first instinct is to want to just run right in there and pound the little twerp right there just going to solve the problem by beating up their younger brother well you know we we help help them recognize at first of all reacting emotionally like that out of anger probably isn’t going to actually solve the problem I in the short-term make them feel good but they’re also going to end up with bigger consequences that are going to just cut make more more problems right thing to do some cleanup work so the first thing we do is is as they understand it and recognize okay I’ve become emotionally hijacks with anger and I will stop in and apply some of the distress tolerance tool Spike maybe some paced breathing maybe some self-compassionate touch by putting their hand on their face or over their heart or give themselves you know their arms around their waist to give them a cell’s a hug those kind of self-compassion it touches can lower their emotional response and start to restore power to the four bring okay so once I’ve done that then the most important thing is the first step in identifying a song that problem is to identify what is the problem here well the problem here is that my favorite new toy or Christmas present looks like it’s broken and you know my brother shouldn’t be in my room and this is a problem for me okay by simply teaching youth and young adults to speak out the problem or write it down actually formulate it and get it in front of them then it gives him the opportunity to separate what are facts versus the story in your head by being able to say what what can I actually see and hear to know is a fact will I know my brothers in my room it looks like he’s broken my toy but I’m not quite sure I need to find out more before I make an assumption and then we can start looking at Solutions okay so when they take that kind of logical approach they’re going to assess things properly instead of reacting out of emotion that’s the whole that’s the whole purpose here so they find the facts only heard see the whole the whole emotional response was born out of fear they’re afraid that their brother broke their present and they’re not going to be able to enjoy that anymore right and it may not even be true but any motion response could be so overpowering that they could do some pretty serious damage before they even know whether that fear is true or not self teaching these things to use while they’re in their calm state is so helpful because these are the tools they have to know how to use when those emotional situations arise otherwise I’m just going to react instead of be proactive so after they have been able to identify the facts then we teach him how to brainstorm possible solutions okay so what are some possible solutions here well I can go pound my brother and that might feel good for a minute but what what other possible solutions are there while I’m going to assess the toy or the the present to see if it’s broken if it is can it be repaired if it can’t be repaired can it be replaced if it can’t be replaced maybe can I do without it okay so here’s a few different solutions that they can they can work through and identify and then the next step is to look at the pros and the cons so you pick two of these Solutions okay so let’s say let’s see if we can fix it or let’s see if we can replace it those are fairly you know healthy solutions we’re not going to hurt anybody by pounding himself we’re going to just address the most healthy solutions and by laying them out there in front of you it’s it’s really clear and it becomes a lot more clear on how to proceed so you know the pros and cons of potentially fixing the problem or fixing the present would be that it may work as good as new and there is no harm. It may not work as good as new and you may have hard feelings toward your brother for breaking it and ruining it for you right so those are both pros and cons of that solution the other one would be replacing it while the pros of that would be it may not be the original which may have had more sentimental value or it may be just as good as new for to getting a new one so having those those thoughts was that logical thought processes is so powerful and helping them maintain emotional balance not react out of emotion so and then the next step is to the incursion go ahead let’s let’s try one of the solutions and but we got to realize that it may not work at first so we’re going to try fixing it and present isn’t able to be fixed that’s okay we don’t have to like die right back into emotional despair we don’t have to get all emotional hijack recognize that we’re not always going to have the answer on the first try I can’t going back to the culture that kids are raised in today that’s what they expect do they expect that a simple Google search or asking Siri or or you know Alexa or whatever they’re going to get the answer right now but there’s a process to this end and the process of solving the problem is what builds resilience we can rob our kids of that by giving him the answer and you know taking care of the problem for them or we can help them build the resilience that they want and that we want them to have by letting them use fear there hadn’t and you know logic through these problems these principles apply in so many different emotional situations you know this example of the little brother is just one but a lot of times emotional issues are a lot more complex like a relationship issues and and but yet these learning these principles apply to any of the situation so you know it’s it’s really important that parents first are able to practice this themselves I think I think I feel like I do this fairly naturally but maybe I don’t express the process or let my kids see the process so that they can model it and so it is really helpful for them to see you address your own emotional situations in this way and be come upon the solution right away and that you may have to you may end up getting emotionally hijacked again because you didn’t get the answer and so I’m going back into the to redo some of these previous tabs like recognize you when you’re getting emotionally hijacked again then we have to apply some more distress tolerance tools right to lower our heartbeat and re-establish some electrical synapse in our for brain to engage The Logical thought process center realize that those primary principles need to be in place before we really can identify and solve problems so I hope that there’s been some helpful information regarding this important step everybody wants to have the answers of how to solve and identify problems first and while that is the heart of the the resilience model we have to have those other those other pieces in place so again if you have more questions would like to learn more about it or you don’t feel free to jump on her website listen to these podcast Lisa radio shows with your family your friends and be able to learn these principles together the resources are all there and and we do hope that you and your family members are able to learn and identify and solve problems to emotional situations so you can claim your copy of the emotional a navigator totally free on our website at life launch centers.com it’s a 20 Page booklet to help families navigate difficult emotions so if you or a loved one is struggling with anxiety depression isolation or any other difficult emotions just give us a call at 833-803-3883 for a free 15-minute phone consultation to help you know what is the best core action for your family the number at life on centers again is 833-803-3883 this is been your mental health moment join us again next Monday at 5:30 p.m. right here on St George news radio this is Joe Newman signing off from Life Launch Centers until next time keep those kids safe and keep your sanity